Excerpts from Summer 1959 Edition
"No one has ever appreciated nature more than I," thought Jim as he gazed across the terrain. The dark green of the distant trees was beautiful against the lighter shade of the waving grass and the deep blue of the cloudless sky. Wild flowers in various shades of pink, red, blue, and yellow provided the final, delicate touch to the scene. As he admired the beauty, he felt a compelling desire to be in those woods; to see nature's works first hand. And so it was that he ran towards nature, his face glowing with the reflection of the setting sun. When he arrived at the small grove of trees, his heart was beating fast, and he stopped to catch his breath. The woods were chilly and damp, and as he looked at his tree, he saw a deep hole in the trunk. "What a horrible thing careless man has done to nature with his firearms and impliments of war," he thought to himself. He moved closer to see just how much damage had been done, and suddenly he saw hundreds of ants darting in and out of the hole. He turned away with a nauseous feeling and looked up at the beautiful leaves. Vines encircled the upper part of the trunk and were slowly and meticulously strangling the tree — killing a stately, old tree in the light of the sun.
I'm Perkinease Bluebird, better known to my friends as "Perky." A few days ago I was flying along, minding my own business when a bunch of screaming "females" flew up from behind. To escape being trapped into escorting one of them to the Birdland Hop, I flew in at the nearest open window.
After taking a few seconds to smooth my feathers and reflect how lucky I was to have escaped those "birds", I decided to have a look around. I found myself in a dark hall of a building which I later found to be Haverford Township Senior High School.
I was about to go down to the floor to investigate the place when a loud bell rang, and thousands of monsters came pouring out of cages, and thousands more dragged in. I thought it wise to re main unseen for the moment. Pretty soon another bell rang, and all was quiet.
I flew off the window-sill and hopped along the floor. Suddenly before me I saw a huge shoe; and upon looking up I observed a nice-looking teacher regarding me with his head cocked to one side. (To avoid incrimination we shall call said teacher "Mister Man":)
I began to wonder if I should make a break for it or leave when Mr. Man put out his hand and said, "Come on little fellow, I won't hurt you." I hopped up on his hand and he asked me what I was doing in Haverford. I explained my plight to him, and he was very understanding. "Oh, I know just how you feel," he said. "Why, ever since I came here, the young, unmarried teachers have been batting their eyelids. And, what's more, even the girls in my classes have been trying to 'fix me up' with this sister or that cousin. "I understood and sympathized with Mr. Man.
We had a nice long talk while he showed me around the campus (That's what he called it.) Then he took me up to his room and said, "Listen closely, little man, you've had it! You can't escape females, no matter what. Take my advice and look around carefully. Take all the gals out and live it up. One of them is bound to get her beak into you someday, but until then.... He smiled and gave me a kind of wink. Then he opened a window and said, "You better bug out of this joint, Man, 'cause the bell's goin' to bang its silly head off and a bunch of 'birds' are goin' to come screaming in here." I didn't appreciate his reference to birds, but I smiled and said thanks.